I, myself am distraction

.

Suppose that my “poverty” be a hunger for spiritual riches: 

suppose that by pretending to empty myself, pretending to be silent, 

I am really trying to cajole God into enriching me with some experience 

— what then?

Then everything becomes a distraction. 

All created things interfere with my quest for some special experience. 

I must shut them out, or they will tear me apart.

What is worst — I, myself am distraction. 

But, unhappiest of all — if my prayer is centered in myself, 

if it seeks only an enrichment of my own self, 

my prayer will be my greatest potential distraction.

Full of my own curiosity, 

I have eaten of the tree of Knowledge and 

torn myself away from myself and God.

I am left rich and alone and nothing can assuage my hunger: 

everything I touch turns into distraction.

~ Thomas Merton

from Thoughts In Solitude

sketch by the author