simply joy

There are seconds, they only come five or six at a time, 

and you suddenly feel the presence of eternal harmony, 

fully achieved. It is nothing earthly; not that it's heavenly,

 but man cannot endure it in his earthly state. 

One must change physically or die. 

The feeling is clear and indisputable. 

As if you suddenly sense the whole of nature and

 suddenly say: yes, this is true. 

This is not tenderheartedness, but simply joy.

~ Fyodor Dostoevsky

from The Devils found in 

Collection of the best works of Fyodor Dostoevsky

.

forgiving oneself

My brother used to ask the birds to forgive him; 

that sounds senseless but it is right; 

for all is like the ocean, all things flow and touch each other;

 a disturbance in one place is felt at the other end of the world. 

—Fyodor Dostoyevsky
from The Brothers Karamazov

art by Shiko Munakata

 

 

 

 

 

a dream

Now I am being buried in the earth. Every one leaves me and I am alone, quite alone. I do not stir… I lay there and — strange to say — I expected nothing, accepting without question that a dead man has nothing to expect. But it was damp. I do not know how long passed — an hour, a few days, or many days. Suddenly, on my left eye which was closed, a drop of water fell, which had leaked through the top of the grave. In a minute fell another, then a third, and so on, every minute. Suddenly, deep indignation kindled in my heart and suddenly in my heart I felt physical pain. ‘It’s my wound,’ I thought. ‘It’s where I shot myself. The bullet is there.’ And all the while the water dripped straight on to my closed eye. Suddenly, I cried out, not with a voice, for I was motionless, but with all my being, to the arbiter of all that was being done to me.

“Whosoever thou art, if thou art, and if there exists a purpose more intelligent than the things which are now taking place, let it be present here also. But if thou dost take vengeance upon me for my foolish suicide, then know, by the indecency and absurdity of further existence, that no torture whatever that may befall me, can ever be compared to the contempt which I will silently feel, even through millions of years of martyrdom.”

Suddenly a familiar yet most overwhelming emotion shook me through. I saw our sun. I knew that it could not be our sun, which had begotten our earth, and that we were an infinite distance away, but somehow all through me I recognized that it was exactly the same sun as ours, its copy and double. A sweet and moving delight echoed rapturously through my soul. The dear power of light, of that same light which had given me birth, touched my heart and revived it, and I felt life, the old life, for the first time since my death.

Oh, now — life, life! I lifted my hands and called upon the eternal truth, not called, but wept. Rapture, ineffable rapture exalted all my being. Yes, to live…

All are tending to one and the same goal, at least all aspire to the same goal, from the wise man to the lowest murderer, but only by different ways. It is an old truth, but there is this new in it: I cannot go far astray. I saw the truth. I saw and know that men could be beautiful and happy, without losing the capacity to live upon the earth. I will not, I cannot believe that evil is the normal condition of men… I saw the truth, I did not invent it with my mind. I saw, saw, and her living image filled my soul for ever. I saw her in such consummate perfection that I cannot possibly believe that she was not among men. How can I then go astray? … The living image of what I saw will be with me always, and will correct and guide me always. Oh, I am strong and fresh, I can go on, go on, even for a thousand years. …

And it is so simple… The one thing is — love thy neighbor as thyself — that is the one thing. That is all, nothing else is needed. You will instantly find how to live.

~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky
from The Dream of a Ridiculous Man

when I fall into the abyss

 

Because I’m a Karamazov. Because when I fall into the abyss, 

I go straight into it, head down and heels up, 

and I’m even pleased that I’m falling in just such a humiliating position, 

and for me I find it beautiful.

Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky

photo:  Felix Baumgartner breaking the sound barrier

 

 

eternity

We're always thinking of eternity as 

an idea that cannot be understood, 

something immense. 

But why must it be? 

What if, instead of all this, 

you suddenly find just a little room there, 

something like a village bath house, 

grimy, and spiders in every corner, 

and that's all eternity is. 

Sometimes, you know, 

I can't help feeling that that's what it is.

~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky

from The Brothers Karamazov

with thanks to whiskeyriver