Connectedness is a biological imperative,
and at the top of the autonomic hierarchy is pathway
that supports feelings of safety and connection.
The ventral vagus (sometimes called the “smart vagus” or “social vagus”)
provides the neurobiological foundation for health, growth, and restoration.
When the ventral vagus is active, our attention is toward connection.
We seek opportunities for co-regulation.
The ability to soothe and be soothed, to talk and listen,
to offer and receive, to fluidly move in and out of connection
is centered in this newest part of the autonomic nervous system.
Reciprocity, the mutual ebb and flow that defines nourishing relationships,
is a function of the ventral vagus. As a result of its myelinated pathways,
the ventral vagus provides rapid and organized responses.
In a ventral vagal state,
we have access to a range of responses including calm, happy,
meditative, engaged, attentive, active, interested, excited, passionate,
alert, ready, relaxed, savoring, and joyful.
Co-regulation is at the heart of positive relationships…
If we miss opportunities to co-regulate in childhood,
we feel that loss in our adult relationships.
Trauma, either in experiences of commission (acts of harm)
or omission (absence of care), makes co-regulation dangerous
and interrupts the development of our co-regulatory skills.
Out of necessity, the autonomic nervous system is shaped to independently regulate.
People will often say that they needed connection but there was no one
in their life who was safe, so after a while they stopped looking.
Through a polyvagal perspective, we know that although they stopped explicitly looking
and found ways to navigate on their own, their autonomic nervous system never
stopped needing, and longing for, co-regulation.
Reciprocity is a connection between people that is created
in the back-and-forth communication between two autonomic nervous systems.
It is the experience of heartfelt listening and responding.
We are nourished in experiences of reciprocity,
feeling the ebb and flow, giving and receiving,
attunement, and resonance.
~ Deb Dana
from The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy:
Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation
with thanks to The Marginalian by Maria Popova
