each of us must turn inward

 

 

 

Klaas, all I really wanted to say is this: we have so much work to do on ourselves

 that we shouldn’t even be thinking of hating our so-called enemies.

 We are hurtful enough to one another as it is.

 

 And I don’t really know what I mean when I say that there are bullies

 and bad characters among our own people, for no one is really “bad” deep down. 

I should have liked to reach out to that [bully] with all his fears, 

I should have liked to trace the source of his panic, 

to drive him ever deeper into himself, 

that is the only thing we can do, 

Klaas, in times like these.

And you, Klaas, give a tired and despondent wave and say, 

“But what you propose to do takes such a long time, 

and we don’t really have all that much time, do we?”

 And I reply, “What you want is something people have been trying to get

 for the last two thousand years, and for many more thousand years before that, 

in fact, ever since [humankind] has existed on earth.” 

 

“And what do you think the result has been, if I may ask?” you say.

And I repeat with the same old passion,

 although I am gradually beginning to think that I am being tiresome,

“It is the only thing we can do, Klaas, I see no alternative, 

each of us must turn inward and destroy in himself 

all that he thinks he ought to destroy in others. 

And remember that every atom of hate we add to this world

 makes it still more inhospitable.”

And you, Klaas, dogged old class fighter that you have always been,

 dismayed and astonished at the same time, say,

 “But that—that is nothing but Christianity!”

And I, amused by your confusion, retort quite coolly,

“Yes, Christianity, and why ever not?”

~ Etty Hillesum

from An Interrupted Life: The Diaries

 

 

 

 

 

resting in gratitude

 

 

 

 

 

You have made me so rich, oh God, please let me share out Your beauty with open hands.

 My life has become an uninterrupted dialogue with You, oh God, one great dialogue.

 Sometimes when I stand in some corner of the camp, my feet planted on Your earth,

 my eyes raised toward Your heaven, tears sometimes run down my face,

 tears of deep emotion and gratitude. At night, too, when I lie in my bed and rest in You,

 oh God, tears of gratitude run down my face, and that is my prayer.

 

 I have been terribly tired for several days, but that too will pass. 

Things come and go in a deeper rhythm, and people must be taught to listen;

 it is the most important thing we have to learn in this life.

 

 I am not challenging You, oh God, my life is one great dialogue with You.

 I may never become the great artist I would really like to be, 

but I am already secure in You, God. Sometimes I try my hand

 at turning out small profundities and uncertain short stories, 

but I always end up with just one single word: God. 

And that says everything, and there is no need for anything more. 

And all my creative powers are translated into inner dialogues with You. 

The beat of my heart has grown deeper, more active, and yet more peaceful, 

and it is as if I were all the time storing up inner riches.

 

 

 

 

~ Etty Hillesum

from An Interrupted Life: The Diaries

translated by Arnold J. Pomerans

 

 

 

two sorts of loneliness

I know of two sorts of loneliness.  One makes me feel dreadfully unhappy, lost and forlorn, the other makes me feel strong and happy.  The first always appears when I feel out of touch with my fellow men, with everything, when I am completely cut off from others and from myself and can see no purpose in life or any connection between things, nor have the slightest idea where I fit in.  

Withe the other kind of loneliness, by contrast, I feel very strong and certain and connected with everyone and everything and with God, and realize that I can manage on my own and that I am not dependent upon others.  Then I know that I am part of a meaningful whole and that I can impart a great deal of strength to others.

~ Etty Hillesum

from Etty Hillesum - Essential Writings 

melted into the landscape

Last might when I cycled home from S., I poured out all my tenderness,
all the tenderness one cannot express for a man even when one loves him very,
very much, I poured it all out into the great, all-embracing spring night. I stood
on the little bridge and looked across the water; I melted into the landscape and
offered all my tenderness up to the sky and the stars and the water and to the
little bridge.  And that was the best moment of the day.

... And I felt this was the only way of transforming all the many deep and
tender feelings one carries for another into deeds: to entrust them to nature, to let
them stream out under the open spring sky, and to realize that there is no other
way of letting them go.




~ Etty Hillesum
from An Interrupted Life
story and art from Love and Gratitude
by Roderick Maclver



   

living it

First and foremost, you must listen to your own rhythm, and

 try to live in accordance with it. Be attentive to what emerges

 from deep down. Often, our actions are only imitations, 

fulfillment of an assumption of duty, or a reflection

 of what we believe a human being “should” be.

 

But the only certainty we may have about our life 

and our deeds can only spring from the very depth of our being.

I know that a new and kinder day will come,

 and I would so much like to live on, 

if only to express all the love I carry within me. 

 

And there is only one way of preparing the new age,

 by living it even now in our hearts.

 

We must be willing to act like a balm for all wounds.

~ Etty Hillesum

 

 

one moral duty

Ultimately, we have just one moral duty:

 to reclaim large areas of peace in ourselves, 

more and more peace, and to reflect it toward others. 

And the more peace there is in us, 

the more peace there will also be in our troubled world. 

~ Etty Hillesum

from An Interrupted Life: The Diaries

 with thanks to louie, louie

Hillesum suffers great inner turmoil during her young adulthood, but increasingly transforms into a woman of maturity and wisdom. She writes: "Everywhere things are both very good and very bad at the same time. The two are in balance, everywhere and always. I never have the feeling that I have got to make the best of things; everything is fine just as it is. Every situation, however miserable, is complete in itself and contains the good as well as the bad." In touch with the equilibrium of a bigger picture she is aware of, she continuously draws from this place to find meaning in her current reality.

Her diaries record the increasing anti-Jewish measures imposed by the occupying German army, and the growing uncertainty about the fate of fellow Jews who had been deported by them. As well as forming a record of oppression her diaries describe her spiritual development and deepening faith in God.

On 7 September 1943, the family were deported to Auschwitz. Etty died there on 30 November 1943.

 ~ Wikipedia