behind apparent opposites

Four sets of contrasting conditions that all of us are subject to

 at one point or another in our lives. The cultivation of equanimity

 involves looking deeply at our relationship to these eight conditions in life.

The first set is praise and blame. 

In the moment of being praised, can we be aware of our reactions?

 We may discover that we push praise away automatically, 

be­cause of discomfort, or that we take it in too much and find ourselves

 dependent on receiving more. In the moment of being blamed,

 can we be aware of our reactions? We may discover that our reactions

 include trying to justify our actions, blaming ourselves, or blaming

 the person who blamed us. We may im­mediately think the person is right.

 We may immediately think the person is wrong.

Of course we will probably feel badly when blamed.

 The question is: Can we be mindful of feeling badly

 rather than allowing ourselves to get lost in it?

 Can we be aware of the reaction instead of caught in the story about it?

 If it is use­ful information, can we learn from it?

 If it is not useful, can we let it go?

 Can we see that praise and blame are often

 out of our control?

The second is the arena of gain and loss.

 What is our relationship to gain? Is gain always positive? 

What is our relationship to loss? Is loss always negative? 

When we reflect on past experiences is it ever true that what we thought 

at the time was a gain was actually a loss and that what we thought was a loss

 turned out to be a gain? In attaching to having gained something,

 is there as well the fear that it will be lost? In attaching to having succeeded

 in something, is there as well the fear of failure?

In any culture there are fixed ideas of what it means to be successful

 and what it means to fail, of what it means to gain and what it means to lose.

 When we cling to models of success, we set ourselves up for disappointment. 

To question these models is to find an inner freedom that emerges 

out of understanding and is not based on models. 

In non-attachment we allow for wis­dom to emerge. 

We see that gain and loss are a natural part of the flux of life. 

The third set is the need to become aware of our relationship to pleasure and pain, 

  What is the result of running after pleasure and pushing away pain?

 Can we become more aware of the suffering inherent in the pursuit of pleasure

 and in the avoidance of pain? Or is it possible to experience pleasure 

fully without clinging to it and trying to make it last?

 In the moment of experi­encing something painful can we open to the pain

 without trying to get rid of it?

To experience liberation in relation­ship to these, we need to understand

 their changing nature. Understanding that both pleasure and pain 

arise and pass away, and seeing that both are often out of our control, 

we learn not to cling to either; and in non-clinging there is freedom. 

We open to pleasure and pain, 

yet are not overwhelmed by desire or aversion.

The last set is fame and disrepute.

 Do we need to be seen by others when we do something we think worthy? 

What is our reaction to being misjudged? 

What is our re­lationship to status?

 Being aware of our relationship to fame and disrepute

 allows us to be free from dependency on the opinions of others.

 We to learn how to see their insubstantiality of each condition. 

Through being mindful we become more aware of the impermanence of both.

 We see the conditional nature of fame, and that lasting peace and hap­piness

 doesn’t come through being fa­mous. We see that disrepute is tempo­rary, 

and need not bring lasting unhap­piness. The more balanced we can be

 in relationship to these, the more we free ourselves from having to be seen

 by others in any particular way. When no longer swayed by changing tides

 of fame or disrepute, we discover a peace 

that doesn’t depend on how others see us.

If we can remember more and more to bring mindfulness to these occasions

 as they arise in our daily life, we can begin to see the suffering of attachment.

 We can begin to see the essential emptiness and impermanence of conditions.

 In meditation practice we may not like what arises, and yet it is the willingness

 to stay with what is happening that brings liberation.

 The less attached we are to comfort, 

the more at ease we are within ourselves

 and within this world. 

This doesn’t mean that we have to be passive par­ticipants in life. 

If it’s hot we can open the windows. But in the many times when we cannot 

change or control our experiences, can we find an inner refuge?

 This inner refuge is the capacity to be equanimous.

 

 

 

~  Narayan Liebenson

from the Insight Journal

Barre Center for Buddhist Studies