Wednesday, June 29, 2022

the honeyed tip of anger and its poisoned roots

 
 
 

 
 

The energy of anger can feel empowering. 
When we feel extraordinarily vulnerable or diminished, the energy of anger
 sharpens our senses and brings our power back, serving as a wake-up call
 that shakes us out of our doldrums. Initially, this surge of anger-ridden energy feels good. 
The rush of adrenaline is seductive — we want to hold on to it and increase its energy.
 This feeling of anger can be beneficial at times, but unless we meet it with conscious awareness,
 it can make us lose perspective and can destroy relationships the longer we hold on to it.

Anger allows us to stand in our righteousness, in our sense of justice.
 We may even feel inspired because we regain our sense of self. Our ego, our sense of me,
 is so full, thinking of what we will be doing to right this wrong.

However, unconscious, mindless anger becomes personal, invariably leading to
 inappropriate and unreasonable behavior. It can become divisive, exclusionary, 
and even hateful at times, and it can also separate us from others because it can be
 condescending and arrogant. At its root, this type of anger says
 I am right, and you are wrong.

In this state of mind, our ability to listen carefully to what the other person has to say
 suddenly stops. This righteous anger blinds us and stops serving us as an empowering force.
 It is then that anger can become our worst enemy and an impediment to a peaceful outcome.

Rather than confronting the feeling, we tend to focus on a person or situation
 that serves as a false refuge, something to blame for what we’re unhappy about. 
Forming a false refuge externally robs us of the opportunity to reflect on our fears, 
our loneliness, and our wounds, and eliminates the path to heal the cause of our suffering.

Meeting anger without conscious awareness puts us at great risk.
 It may simmer within as silent suspicion and resentment,
 or it may explode into violent rage and devastation.

 It may come with justifications like I need to be angry, because if I am not, 
I’m going to be hurt, which creates stories in our minds of what we truly believe
 and disconnects us from what we are really harboring in our hearts. 
Unaware of the trap we have fallen into, the only way out
 — the only way to save face — is anger.

Paradoxically, anger can also come with self-judgment: I should not be angry;
 a person with my values cannot be angry. Therefore, I’m a bad person if I show anger.
 We suppress anger by self-condemnation, and it never goes away.
 Without working on avoiding self-judgment, anger is not metabolized,
 and it may return to haunt us later in unexpected ways.

It’s part of being human. Rumi, the 13th-century Persian poet, describes what to do
 when we are visited by uncomfortable emotions in his beautiful poem,
 “The Guest House.”

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.


Skillful ways to start working with anger involve cultivating an openness
 towards curiosity and self-awareness. We must examine anger with the desire to learn 
from it, not in a cold and superficial analysis, but in a warm and intimate way
 that comes from caring about the nature of being human. We must feel the anger
 at a somatic level and explore what is underneath. 
We need to feel it to heal it.

Stay with it. The wound is the place where the Light enters you.
 Feel the anger without judgment, but with self-compassion instead.
 Holding your suffering with tenderness, allowing any thoughts connected to your
 emotions to surface, and then let them go. In this way, your emotions will be able
 to move through you rather than becoming blocked in your body and 
potentially turning into illness or disease.

When I ask myself What is going on with me? I turn my gaze inward and look at my triggers.
 This eliminates the influence of external things that I cannot control. When I do this, 
I often realize it’s not about who did something to me or what was done to me.
 Instead, it’s about what’s going on inside. The anger is in me, and as soon as I shift
 the focus to the right area, the anger starts to dissolve. 
 
Take a pause before reacting, which gives us the space to breathe
 in and out and start dissolving the tension. Through this action, our thoughts
 may calm down, and we may be able to see things more clearly.

This takes practice, and as such we must engage in it consistently.
 We can start with little triggers, like losing our keys, misplacing our wallets, 
experiencing laptop issues, or running late to a meeting. This way, we train
 our brains to respond mindfully and wisely when provoked by greater threats.

Taking responsibility for what we are experiencing rather than avoiding or repressing
 anger is empowering. Feeling the feeling is where the healing begins.
 Only then, we will be able to have clarity of mind to take a wise step forward.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Monica Jordan
 https://embracemindfulness.org/
excerpt from: How to work with Anger
Lion's Roar

 

 

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