the honeyed tip of anger and its poisoned roots

 

 

 

 

 

The energy of anger can feel empowering. 

When we feel extraordinarily vulnerable or diminished, the energy of anger

 sharpens our senses and brings our power back, serving as a wake-up call

 that shakes us out of our doldrums. Initially, this surge of anger-ridden energy feels good. 

The rush of adrenaline is seductive — we want to hold on to it and increase its energy.

 This feeling of anger can be beneficial at times, but unless we meet it with conscious awareness,

 it can make us lose perspective and can destroy relationships the longer we hold on to it.

Anger allows us to stand in our righteousness, in our sense of justice.

 We may even feel inspired because we regain our sense of self. Our ego, our sense of me,

 is so full, thinking of what we will be doing to right this wrong.

However, unconscious, mindless anger becomes personal, invariably leading to

 inappropriate and unreasonable behavior. It can become divisive, exclusionary, 

and even hateful at times, and it can also separate us from others because it can be

 condescending and arrogant. At its root, this type of anger says

 I am right, and you are wrong.

In this state of mind, our ability to listen carefully to what the other person has to say

 suddenly stops. This righteous anger blinds us and stops serving us as an empowering force.

 It is then that anger can become our worst enemy and an impediment to a peaceful outcome.

Rather than confronting the feeling, we tend to focus on a person or situation

 that serves as a false refuge, something to blame for what we’re unhappy about. 

Forming a false refuge externally robs us of the opportunity to reflect on our fears, 

our loneliness, and our wounds, and eliminates the path to heal the cause of our suffering.

Meeting anger without conscious awareness puts us at great risk.

 It may simmer within as silent suspicion and resentment,

 or it may explode into violent rage and devastation.

 It may come with justifications like I need to be angry, because if I am not, 

I’m going to be hurt, which creates stories in our minds of what we truly believe

 and disconnects us from what we are really harboring in our hearts. 

Unaware of the trap we have fallen into, the only way out

 — the only way to save face — is anger.

Paradoxically, anger can also come with self-judgment: I should not be angry;

 a person with my values cannot be angry. Therefore, I’m a bad person if I show anger.

 We suppress anger by self-condemnation, and it never goes away.

 Without working on avoiding self-judgment, anger is not metabolized,

 and it may return to haunt us later in unexpected ways.

It’s part of being human. Rumi, the 13th-century Persian poet, describes what to do

 when we are visited by uncomfortable emotions in his beautiful poem,

 “The Guest House.”

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.


Skillful ways to start working with anger involve cultivating an openness

 towards curiosity and self-awareness. We must examine anger with the desire to learn 

from it, not in a cold and superficial analysis, but in a warm and intimate way

 that comes from caring about the nature of being human. We must feel the anger

 at a somatic level and explore what is underneath. 

We need to feel it to heal it.

Stay with it. The wound is the place where the Light enters you.

 Feel the anger without judgment, but with self-compassion instead.

 Holding your suffering with tenderness, allowing any thoughts connected to your

 emotions to surface, and then let them go. In this way, your emotions will be able

 to move through you rather than becoming blocked in your body and 

potentially turning into illness or disease.

When I ask myself What is going on with me? I turn my gaze inward and look at my triggers.

 This eliminates the influence of external things that I cannot control. When I do this, 

I often realize it’s not about who did something to me or what was done to me.

 Instead, it’s about what’s going on inside. The anger is in me, and as soon as I shift

 the focus to the right area, the anger starts to dissolve. 

 

Take a pause before reacting, which gives us the space to breathe

 in and out and start dissolving the tension. Through this action, our thoughts

 may calm down, and we may be able to see things more clearly.

This takes practice, and as such we must engage in it consistently.

 We can start with little triggers, like losing our keys, misplacing our wallets, 

experiencing laptop issues, or running late to a meeting. This way, we train

 our brains to respond mindfully and wisely when provoked by greater threats.

Taking responsibility for what we are experiencing rather than avoiding or repressing

 anger is empowering. Feeling the feeling is where the healing begins.

 Only then, we will be able to have clarity of mind to take a wise step forward.

 

 

 

 

 

 

~  Monica Jordan

 https://embracemindfulness.org/

excerpt from: How to work with Anger

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