to love another

To love another as a person we must begin by granting

 him his own autonomy and identity as a person. 

We have to love him for what he is in himself, 

and not for what he is to us. 

We have to love him for his own good, 

not for the good we get out of him. 

And this is impossible unless we are capable of a love 

which ‘transforms’ us, so to speak, into the other person, 

making us able to see things as he sees them, love what he loves, 

experience the deeper realities of his own life as if they were our own. 

Without sacrifice, such a transformation is utterly impossible. 

But unless we are capable of this kind of transformation 

‘into the other’ 

while remaining ourselves, 

we are not yet capable of a fully human existence.

~ Thomas Merton

from Disputed Questions