Sunday, February 25, 2024

the illusion of self as a unity

 







Even the most spiritual and highly cultivated of men habitually
 sees the world and himself through the lenses of delusive formulas
 and artless simplifications — and most of all himself. 
For it appears to be an inborn and imperative need of all men
 to regard the self as a unit. However often and however grievously
 this illusion is shattered, it always mends again… 
And if ever the suspicion of their manifold being dawns upon men
 of unusual powers and of unusually delicate perceptions, 
so that, as all genius must, they break through the illusion 
of the unity of the personality and perceive that the self is made up
 of a bundle of selves, they have only to say so and at once
 the majority puts them under lock and key.

Every ego, so far from being a unity is in the highest degree
 a manifold world, a constellated heaven, a chaos of forms, 
of states and stages, of inheritances and potentialities.
 It appears to be a necessity as imperative as eating and breathing
 for everyone to be forced to regard this chaos as a unity 
and to speak of his ego as though it were a one-fold
 and clearly detached and fixed phenomenon.
 Even the best of us shares the delusion.

[These selves] form a unity and a supreme individuality; 
and it is in this higher unity alone, not in the several characters, 
that something of the true nature of the soul is revealed.

Love of one’s neighbor is not possible without love of oneself… 
Self-hate is really the same thing as sheer egoism, 
and in the long run breeds the same cruel isolation and despair.



~ Hermann Hesse
from Steppenwolf
with thanks to The Marginalian by Maria Popova


Saturday, February 24, 2024

your own true nature, it is home

 





Remember the clear light, the pure clear white light from which everything
 in the universe comes, to which everything in the universe returns; 
the original nature of your own mind. 
The natural state of the universe unmanifest.

Let go into the clear light, 
trust it, merge with it.
 It is your own true nature, 
it is home.

The visions you experience exist within your consciousness; 
the forms they take are determined by your past attachments,
 your past desires, your past fears, your past karma.

These visions have no reality outside your consciousness.
No matter how frightening some of them may seem they cannot hurt you. 
Just let them pass through your consciousness. They will all pass in time. 
No need to become involved with them; no need to become attracted
 to the beautiful visions; no need to be repulsed by the frightening ones. 
No need to be seduced or excited by the sexual ones.
No need to be attached to them at all.

Just let them pass. If you become involved with these visions,
 you may wander for a long time confused. Just let them pass through
 your consciousness like clouds passing through an empty sky.

Fundamentally they have no more reality than this.

Remember these teachings, remember the clear light, 
the pure bright shining white light of your own nature, 
it is deathless.

If you can look into the visions you can experience and recognize
 that they are composed of the same pure clear white light 
as everything else in the universe.

No matter where or how far you wander, the light is only a split second,
 a half-breath away. 
It is never too late to recognize the clear light.




~ From the Tibetan Book of the Dead
Adapted from the translation by W. Y. Evans-Wentz,
 edited by Jack Kornfield
with thanks to love is a place



Friday, February 23, 2024

being silent

 






As my prayer became more attentive and inward
I had less and less to say.
I finally became completely silent.
I started to listen
– which is even further removed from speaking.
I first thought that praying entailed speaking.
I then learnt that praying is hearing,
not merely being silent.
This is how it is.
To pray does not mean to listen to oneself speaking,
Prayer involves becoming silent,
And being silent,
And waiting until God is heard.



~ Søren Kierkegaard


the making of sand

 








Empty pages
Flap in the wind
In the sovereign silence
There is no history
There is only the cracking
And polishing of stones
by the sun
You see the making of sand
Is a long business
Shaped and re shaped
By surrender



 ~ Ayaz Angus Landman
from The Holy Algorithm
with thanks to Poetry Chaikhana Blog
Photo by Eliot Porter

Thursday, February 22, 2024

a train of discontinuous fragments

 




"But I don’t want to go among mad people," 
Alice remarked.
"Oh, you can’t help that," said the Cat: 
"we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad."
"How do you know I’m mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, 
"or you wouldn’t have come here.”

~ Lewis Carrol
from Alice in Wonderland


In listening to my patients tell me thousands of stories, 
as they try to find some peace in the present, 
I have learned this beyond the shadow of a doubt. 
 Rather than behaving sanely, rather than being in touch with our present realities, 
we human beings - all of us, myself included - 
are too often simply run by losses and hardships long gone by,
 and by our stockpiled fears.  
 
Our collective history, our individual lives, our very minds, 
bear unmistakable testimony.

Instead of receding harmlessly into the past, the darkest,
 most frightening events from our childhood and adolescence gain power 
and authority as we grow older.  The memory of such events 
causes us to depart from ourselves, psychologically speaking,
 or to separate one part of our awareness from the others.  
 
What we conceive of as an unbroken thread of consciousness is, 
instead, quite often a train of discontinuous fragments.  
Our awareness is divided.  
And much more commonly that we know, 
even our personalities are fragmented - 
disorganized team efforts trying to cope with the past -
 rather than the sane, unified wholes 
we anticipate in ourselves and in other people...



~ Martha Stout
from The Myth of Sanity, 
Divided Consciousness and the Promise of Awareness



seeing through the "I" concept

 






After a summer storm, the sunlight comes out and we see a rainbow in the sky.
And generally, we feel happy at seeing a rainbow. It's a beautiful object of sight.
But the question is, is there a thing in itself which is the rainbow?
When we look more carefully, we see that what we're calling a rainbow
is the coming together of certain conditions of light and moisture and air.
And when these conditions come together in a certain way,
there's an appearance of a rainbow, but there's no thing in itself
which is the rainbow other than the appearance
arising out of these conditions.

Self is like a rainbow. There is an appearance of Bob, of Joseph,
of each one of us. There's an appearance which comes together,
which appears because of the conditions of all our mental, physical phenomena
coming together in a certain pattern. And we recognize the pattern.
We call it Bob, Joseph, rainbow. And on a relative level, we are experiencing it.
When we see a rainbow, we are responding to something.
On a relative level, we can say rainbow exists, but on a more ultimate level,
we see that there's no essential substratum which is rainbow.

There's no essence.

One Vipassana teacher really expressed this beautifully. Somebody asked him,
"Is the self real?" And he said, "Yes, the self is real. But not really real."
That captures these two levels. It is real on the relative level,
and we interact on this level, it's the level of our conventional reality.
We're not dismissing that. But we just see that on a deeper level,
there's another whole way of perceiving things.

Let me give you one more example.




You go out at night and, if it's a clear night and the stars are out,
most people can recognize the constellation of the Big Dipper.
The question then is, is there really a Big Dipper up there? …


Big Dipper is a concept which we're overlaying on a certain pattern of stars,
but there's no Big Dipper.

So, self is like Big Dipper. The notion of self is a concept,
just like Big Dipper is a concept, and we're overlaying that concept of self
onto this pattern of mental, physical, emotional content.
We're putting a name, we're giving a designation
of Joseph, Bob, Big Dipper.

But what's interesting is that, even though we know Big Dipper is a concept
and there's no Big Dipper in the sky, to go out at night, look up at the sky
and see if it's possible not to see the Big Dipper—
it’s very difficult, because we've been so conditioned to see
in a certain way.

It's helpful to realize that the concept of Big Dipper can be useful,
just like the concept of self can be useful. One of the stars of Big Dipper
actually points to the North star. If you're out in the middle of the ocean
and you want to navigate, you need to find the north,
the concept can be helpful.

We're not suggesting—either with Big Dipper or self—to get rid of the concept,
but to understand that that's what it is. ...

When we see that Big Dipper is a concept, even though we use it,
what happens is when we look up at the sky, we see the sky undivided.
It's possible to see all the stars as part of a unity.
Imagine what it would be like if we could experience the whole world
not bound or limited by the concept of the self.
We need to use it to operate on the relative level,
but if we have a deeper wisdom that it is just a concept,
then so many aspects of our separateness falls away.



~ Joseph Goldstein
from Mindfulness Interviews
by Robert Wright



Wednesday, February 21, 2024

advice from me to myself

 





Listen up, old bad-karma Patrul,
You dweller-in-distraction.

For ages now you've been
Beguiled, entranced, and fooled by appearances.

Are you aware of that? Are you?

Right this very instant, when you're
Under the spell of mistaken perception
You've got to watch out.
Don't let yourself get carried away by this fake
and empty life.

Your mind is spinning around
About carrying out a lot of useless projects:
It's a waste! Give it up!

Thinking about the hundred plans you want to accomplish,
With never enough time to finish them,
Just weighs down your mind.
You're completely distracted
By all these projects, which never come to an end,
But keep spreading out more, like ripples in water.
Don't be a fool: for once, just sit tight.

Listening to the teachings — you've already
heard hundreds of teachings,
But when you haven't grasped the meaning of even
one teaching,
What's the point of more listening?

Reflecting on the teachings — even though you've listened,
If the teachings aren't coming to mind when needed,
What's the point of more reflection? None.

Meditating according to the teachings —
If your meditation practice still isn't curing
The obscuring states of mind—forget about it!

You've added up just how many mantras you've done —
But you aren't accomplishing the kyerim visualization.
You may get the forms of deities nice and clear —
But you're not putting an end to subject and object.
You may tame what appear to be evil spirits and ghosts,
But you're not training the stream of your own mind.

Your four fine sessions of sadhana practice,
So meticulously arranged —
Forget about them.

When you're in a good mood,
Your practice seems to have lots of clarity —
But you just can't relax into it.
When you're depressed,
Your practice is stable enough
But there's no brilliance to it.
As for awareness,
You try to force yourself into a rigpa-like state,
As if stabbing a stake into a target!

When those yogic positions and gazes keep your mind stable
Only by keeping mind tethered —
Forget about them!

Giving high-sounding lectures
Doesn't do your mind-stream any good.
The path of analytical reasoning is precise and acute —
But it's just more delusion, good for nothing goat-shit.
The oral instructions are very profound
But not if you don't put them into practice.

Reading over and over those dharma texts
That just occupy your mind and make your eyes sore —
Forget about it!

You beat your little damaru drum — ting, ting —
And your audience thinks it's charming to hear.
You're reciting words about offering up your body,
But you still haven't stopped holding it dear.
You're making your little cymbals go cling, cling —
Without keeping the ultimate purpose in mind.

All this dharma-practice equipment
That seems so attractive —
Forget about it!

Right now, those students are all studying so very hard,
But in the end, they can't keep it up.


Today, they seem to get the idea,
But later on, there's not a trace left.
Even if one of them manages to learn a little,
He rarely applies his "learning" to his own conduct.

Those elegant dharma disciplines —
Forget about them!

This year, he really cares about you,
Next year, it's not like that.
At first, he seems modest,
Then he grows exalted and pompous.
The more you nurture and cherish him,
The more distant he grows.

These dear friends
Who show such smiling faces to begin with —
Forget about them!

Her smile seems so full of joy —
But who knows if that's really the case?
One time, it's pure pleasure,
Then it's nine months of mental pain.
It might be fine for a month,
But sooner or later, there's trouble.

People teasing; your mind embroiled —
Your lady-friend —
Forget about her!

These endless rounds of conversation
Are just attachment and aversion —
It's just more goat-shit, good for nothing at all.
At the time it seems marvelously entertaining,
But really, you're just spreading around stories
about other people's mistakes.
Your audience seems to be listening politely,
But then they grow embarrassed for you.

Useless talk that just make you thirsty —
Forget about it!

Giving teachings on meditation texts
Without yourself having
Gained actual experience through practice,
Is like reciting a dance-manual out loud
And thinking that's the same as actually dancing.

People may be listening to you with devotion,
But it just isn't the real thing.

Sooner or later, when your own actions
Contradict the teachings, you'll feel ashamed.


Just mouthing the words,
Giving dharma explanations that sound so eloquent—
Forget about it!

When you don't have a text, you long for it;
Then when you've finally gotten it,
you hardly look at it.

The number of pages seems few enough,
But it's a bit hard to find time to copy them all.
Even if you copied down all the dharma texts on earth,
You wouldn't be satisfied.

Copying down texts is a waste of time
(Unless you get paid) —
So forget about it!

Today, they're happy as clams —
Tomorrow, they're furious.
With all their black moods and white moods,
People are never satisfied.
Or even if they're nice enough,
They may not come through when you really need them,
Disappointing you even more.

All this politeness, keeping up a
Courteous demeanor —
Forget about it!

Worldly and religious work
Is the province of gentlemen.
Patrul, old boy — that's not for you.

Haven't you noticed what always happens?
An old bull, once you've gone to the trouble of
borrowing him for his services,
Seems to have absolutely no desire left in him at all—
(Except to go back to sleep).

Be like that — desireless.


Just sleep, eat, piss, shit.
There's nothing else in life that has to be done.

Don't get involved with other things:
They're not the point.

Keep a low profile,
Sleep.

In the triple universe
When you're lower than your company
You should take the low seat.

Should you happen to be the superior one,
Don't get arrogant.

There's no absolute need to have close friends;
You're better off just keeping to yourself.

When you're without any worldly
or religious obligations,
Don't keep on longing to acquire some!

If you let go of everything —
Everything, everything —
That's the real point!



This advice was written by the practitioner Patrul Rinpoche for his intimate friend

 Patrul Rinpoche, in order to give advice that is tailored exactly to his capacities.

This advice should be put into practice!

Even though you don't know how to practice, 
just let go of everything —
 that's what I really want to say. 
Even though you aren't able to succeed in your 
dharma practice, don't get angry.

May it be virtuous.






— Patrul Rinpoche (1808-1887)
from Advice from Me to Myself

A wandering turn-of-the-century Dzogchen master of Eastern Tibet,
beloved by the people. He was renowned as the enlightened vagabond.
Translation by Constance Wilkinson


the world cleanses itself this way








There are more like us. All over the world
There are confused people, who can't remember
The name of their dog when they wake up, and people
Who love God but can't remember where

He was when they went to sleep. It's
All right. The world cleanses itself this way.
A wrong number occurs to you in the middle
Of the night, you dial it, it rings just in time

To save the house. And the second-story man
Gets the wrong address, where the insomniac lives,
And he's lonely, and they talk, and the thief
Goes back to college. Even in graduate school,

You can wander into the wrong classroom,
And hear great poems lovingly spoken 
By the wrong professor. And you find your soul,
And greatness has a defender, and even in death you're safe.




~ Robert Bly
from Morning Poems


Tuesday, February 20, 2024

self-portrait as subordinate clause

 







and when 
the larkspur
petals fall and when
the fall begins to sing
and when the song weaves
through the loss and when
the loss dyes
everything, when
everything is
emptier and emptiness
is whole somehow, when
whole is what a life 
does, when life is
what is now, when
now is
ever changing
and changing knows
no end, when
any ending
I might seek is
just another
when



~ Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer
from All The Honey



in morning

 







The Palestinian child
does not think about being Palestinian,
but only of how his kitten
slept last night
and why is it not
in its basket.
Before he walks to school,
he will find it playing
with neighbor kittens
outside his house
and make sure it has breakfast.

The Ukrainian child
checks her doll
in its crib
which is really a box
shoes once lived in
and tucks
the blanket
which is really a napkin
tighter.

The Libyan child
thought he lived in a desert,
so how could his house wash away,
the Moroccan child
never dreamed a building so old
with such fat walls
could fall,
the child of Maui
never wears socks
but someone has given him
socks.
He misses
his old messy room
which he would clean up right now
if he still had it.

Each morning
we put ourselves together.
Try to imagine
what we will do,
gathering things,
thoughts,
mysteries
no one explains.
Scary things
feel farther away
in morning.
We try not to worry.

Wash face
brush teeth,
be as good as possible
because the stones
lined up
by the grandfathers
are still somewhere
and the wind from the west
is still your friend
and the little gray bird
pecking at a crumb
said something
we almost understood.



~ Naomi Shihab Nye
with thanks to Ruth at 


Sunday, February 18, 2024

humility and curiosity in support a meaningful life

 






The first is humility. Humility amounts to an understanding 
that the world is not divided into good and bad people, 
but rather it is made up of all manner of individuals, 
each broken in their own way, each caught up in the common
 human struggle and each having the capacity to do both terrible
 and beautiful things. 

If we truly comprehend and acknowledge that we are all imperfect creatures, 
we find that we become more tolerant and accepting of others’ shortcomings
 and the world appears less dissonant, 
less isolating, less threatening.

The other quality is curiosity. If we look with curiosity at people
 who do not share our values, they become interesting rather than threatening. 

As I’ve grown older I’ve learnt that the world and the people in it
 are surprisingly interesting, and that the more you look and listen,
 the more interesting they become. Cultivating a questioning mind, 
of which conversation is the chief instrument, enriches our relationship
 with the world. Having a conversation with someone I may disagree
 with is, I have come to find, a great,
 life embracing pleasure.



~ Nick Cave
with thanks to The Marginalian 
by Maria Popova



Wednesday, February 14, 2024

close your eyes

 

Close your eyes.
Fall in love.
Stay there.

~ Rumi


Image: NASA/Chandra X-Ray Center


Once we dreamt that
we were strangers,

We wake up to find that
we were dear to
each other.

~ Tabindranath Tagore


This story began many years ago as two planets
journeyed from far distant regions to circle 
each other in the light and warmth of the sun.

In such company, 
fears fell away,
protective barriers disolved in the light.
Their essences were revealed in 
the flow of their magma. 

Each saw themselves within the living
core of the other.

What joy!



Friday, February 9, 2024

each of us must turn inward

 
 


 

Klaas, all I really wanted to say is this: we have so much work to do on ourselves
 that we shouldn’t even be thinking of hating our so-called enemies.
 We are hurtful enough to one another as it is.
 
 And I don’t really know what I mean when I say that there are bullies
 and bad characters among our own people, for no one is really “bad” deep down. 
I should have liked to reach out to that [bully] with all his fears, 
I should have liked to trace the source of his panic, 
to drive him ever deeper into himself, 
that is the only thing we can do, 
Klaas, in times like these.

And you, Klaas, give a tired and despondent wave and say, 
“But what you propose to do takes such a long time, 
and we don’t really have all that much time, do we?”
 And I reply, “What you want is something people have been trying to get
 for the last two thousand years, and for many more thousand years before that, 
in fact, ever since [humankind] has existed on earth.” 
 
“And what do you think the result has been, if I may ask?” you say.

And I repeat with the same old passion,
 although I am gradually beginning to think that I am being tiresome,
“It is the only thing we can do, Klaas, I see no alternative, 
each of us must turn inward and destroy in himself 
all that he thinks he ought to destroy in others. 
And remember that every atom of hate we add to this world
 makes it still more inhospitable.”

And you, Klaas, dogged old class fighter that you have always been,
 dismayed and astonished at the same time, say,
 “But that—that is nothing but Christianity!”

And I, amused by your confusion, retort quite coolly,
“Yes, Christianity, and why ever not?”




~ Etty Hillesum
from An Interrupted Life: The Diaries
 
 
 
 
 

Sunday, February 4, 2024

the teachings of my blood pulsing within me

 





I have no right to call myself one who knows. 
I was one who seeks, and I still am,
 but I no longer seek in the stars or in books;
 I'm beginning to hear the teachings of my blood pulsing within me.
 My story isn't pleasant, it's not sweet and harmonious 
like the invented stories; it tastes of folly and bewilderment,
 of madness and dream, like the life of all people 
who no longer want to lie to themselves.


~ Hermann Hesse
from Demian: The Story of Emil Sinclair's Youth
art by Van Gogh
with thanks to whiskey river



other desires are substitutes









A spirit that lives in this world
and does not wear the shirt of love,
such an existence is a deep disgrace.
Be foolishly in love,
because love is all there is.

There is no way into presence
except through a love exchange.
If someone asks, But what is love?
answer, Dissolving the will.

True freedom comes to those
who have escaped the questions
of freewill and fate.
Love is an emperor.
The two worlds play across him.
He barely notices their tumbling game.

Love and lover live in eternity.
Other desires are substitutes
for that way of being.
How long do you lay embracing a corpse?
Love rather the soul, which cannot be held.

Anything born in spring dies in the fall,
but love is not seasonal.
With wine pressed from grapes,
expect a hangover.
But this love path has no expectations.

You are uneasy riding the body?
Dismount. Travel lighter.
Wings will be given.
Be clear like a mirror
reflecting nothing.

Be clean of pictures and the worry
that comes with images.
Gaze into what is not ashamed
or afraid of any truth.
Contain all human faces in your own
without any judgment of them.

Be pure emptiness.
What is inside that? you ask.
Silence is all I can say.
Lovers have some secrets
That they keep.





~ Rumi
photo by Eliot Porter